How To Annoy Me

Suggesting my baby is spoiled because she has a bedtime and a routine.

Sarah Palin Relates To Me Through Bad Grammar, You Betcha She Does.

And that's not all Gov. Palin and I have in common, no sir'ee. We got lots and lots in common and I'm gonna share my list right now because I believe the American people will want to know because if you go back in the history of America you'll see that in American history the American people have wanted to hear about what the momsie-types have in common and such.

1. Sarah Palin is a woman; I'm a woman!

2. Sarah Palin likes to run; I like to run!

3. Sarah Palin is a mom; I'm a mom!

4. Sarah Palin has a new baby; I have a new baby!

5. Sarah Palin has a son named Track; I run on a track!

6. Sarah Palin likes to shoot wolves from the sky; I don't pet animals!

7. Sarah Palin likes to give $150 to those who shoot wolves from the sky; I like money!

8. Sarah Palin supports off shore drilling; I don't recycle my Styrofoam!

9. Sarah Palin is clearly NOT a community organizer; Me neither, folks!

10. Sarah Palin has actual responsibilities; Me neither...

11. Sarah Palin reads all the newspapers that come in front of her; I get most of my news from The Onion, too!

12. Sarah Palin believes humans and dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time; I believe dinosaurs made huge poops!

I just, you know, really think it's adorable how much we have in common, plus she winks at me, and what other VP candidate can you say WINKS? In DEBATES?! I didn't see Joe Biden wink ONCE.

Dear South,

Barack Obama is NOT a Muslim. Please stop trying to convince me he's "in hiding."

Also, your chicken-fried steak tastes like butt.

All the best,
KT

Hoping for 2060-ish

Justin and I watched Bucket List this past weekend (Yes, I know it has been out forever, but our DVD options are limited to red box) In one part of the movie it discusses that most people, if given the option, wouldn't want to know the date of their death. I laughed and said, "That is crazy, how would you not want to know if you could." Justin replied, "I don't think I would want to know."

I would want to know because it would change how I acted. I mean, folks, if you were told you had 6 months to live who wouldn't quit their jobs/school and hang out with loved ones and go see places in the world you had always wanted to see.

That's what I think, what about you? If you could know the date you were going to die, would you wanna?

Let's Make A Difference In 2008

'No Values Voters' Looking To Support Most Evil Candidate

Do yourself a favor...

...and check out this blog. It's pure joy.

The Bitch is Back

Ok, I thought this little fetus in me was making me apathetic. I thought my blood might cool down from the constant boiling temperature it has been at for the past 25 years of my life. But today I discovered that was wrong.

LISTEN UP: FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND ANYONE ELSE WHO EVER IS IN CONTACT WITH ME. DO NOT NOT NOT SEND ME EMAILS ABOUT HOW INGESTING CERTAIN FOODS CAUSE MEDICAL PROBLEMS.

I hate spam forwards (unless they are funny, then I laugh at them) but anything to do with politics that is forwarded is usually 100% wrong regardless of which side they are promoting. I usually ignore those and delete them without reading. But, anything to do with how eating artificial sugar, caffeine, non-organic food, or whatever the substance of the day is I find IRRITATING AS HELL.

My grandmother died of stomach cancer three years ago. Shortly thereafter my mother’s neighbor asked if my grandmother had ever drunk diet coke. When my mom said she did the neighbor said, “Oh, that’s too bad because diet coke causes stomach cancer.”....really? REALLY? My immediate though when my mother told me this was, please tell me you asked her what causes her big ass because THAT is something I want to avoid. This same neighbor later put some printed out emails in my mother’s mailbox which supported her theory that my grandmother had caused her own death..one sip of diet coke at a time.

Last year my father was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. It was the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with in my life and I don’t want to talk about it thankyouverymuch. But, after learning of my father’s illness another neighbor forwarded an email to my mother which indicated that aspartame was to blame for my father’s degenerative disease. Oh. My. Hell. Are people really that stupid? Really? Do people get a spam email forward and rely on that as being true without doing ANY FURTHER RESEARCH?

Then on Sunday while at my in-laws I had finished eating and left the table while most everyone else was finishing and my brother-in-law told my hubby that he had a “really interesting email” he needed to forward to him about caffeine and pregnant woman.

Dear brother-in-law,

Although your intentions may be good please know that if you really feel the need to warn me about caffeine intake you should probably...well, I dunno, talk to the PREGNANT WOMAN about it rather than whispering it to her husband while she is gone.

Further, before you send my husband an email regarding caffeine and how it will be my fault when this baby is born with an extra limb and three eyes; please make sure that it is an accurate reflection of the scientific studies that have been done on caffeine which indicate ingesting more than 300 milligrams of caffeine a day in the first trimester does show an increased risk of miscarriage and it is not a spam email forward you got from your buddy’s buddy down at the local IFA store who just recently got himself an email account and forwards every damn article he gets to EVERYONE.

Thank you.


Signed,
Hormonal Pregnant Woman

I Totally Like All This Stuff

Stuff White People Like

I found myself reading this entire site thinking "YEAH I LIKE THIS STUFF!"

I need to stop reading the news

This story below is an example of one of the many reasons I think our legal system is completely jacked up and almost broken beyond repair. While I primarily do family law at my job, my boss is also a criminal defense attorney. Most of the crimes he defends are petty traffic violations. But last month when a child molester came in and admitted to what he had done but wanted a good attorney (which is exactly what my boss is) to get the least possible sentence, it was all I could do to not scratch this perverts eyes out. I told my boss that if he took the case I would have nothing to do with the file and wouldn't work on it EVER. Luckily, my boss decided not to take him on as a client.

Anyway, that was a tangent. The story below is a great example of how out of touch judge's become after they have been judging criminal cases too long. They become desensitized and start to view the world a bit differently than the average citizen who is still appalled by the occasional SEXUAL ASSAULT. Looks like the good people of Utah County should consider helping end this judge's duties come next election.

Man won't serve jail time for sexual assault
A Provo fast-food manager convicted of sexually assaulting his employee will not serve jail time.

In March of 2007, a 17-year-old girl told police J.W. Craig Lamoreaux put his hands in her pants and would not let her leave one night until she showed him her chest.

He was convicted in March of this year. The judge ruled since Lamoreaux has five children at home and no criminal history, he should only have to wear an ankle monitor for 60 days.

Other Languages are Actually English

Or M. Jackson is really Indian. Either way, this delights me.

If He Doesn't Have A Pee-Pee, Does That Make Him A Man?

Hey everybody, read this story about a man in Oregon who is PREGNANT.

http://www.kitv.com/news/15707641/detail.html

He used to be a woman. He/She had his/her boobs cut off and took testosterone, but kept all the female reproductive parts. I'm so confused. I mean, congratulations and all, but is he really a man? Yes, I'm thrilled at the possibility of a man doing the pregnancy thing, but this story was a bit disappointing. I thought it was a story about a MAN-MAN with man parts, which meant I was going to definitely look into Warren carrying our next baby. Instead I'm slapped with some confusing story about a woman who cut her boobs off.

Lame.

Third Trimester Benefits

Most of my friends who have had babies tell me the third trimester is the most uncomfortable. So far, it's been my favorite. Here's why:

1. My belly has finally caught up to my butt.

2. My stomach seems to be squished so I am no longer hungry. Hallelujah.

3. The ability to pre-board flights.

4. Sympathy

5. Super awesome (crazy) dreams.

Last night I had a dream that Warren was out of town on my due date, so I drove to my sister's in case I delivered. Unfortunately, in my dream my sister told me she didn't have time for me and to drive myself back home. I KNOW! I hate her now, too.

One of my biggest fears is that I'll go into labor early and have to drive myself to the hospital while having contractions. Warren works about an hour away and my mom isn't coming out until a few days before I'm due, which means if I did go into labor early that's exactly what would happen (you might suggest calling a neighbor, but I don't know my neighbors and I'll probably never take the initiative to meet them). Then there's the whole fear of having a fast labor and delivering my baby at home. ALONE. I've heard that usually with your first child you have longer labors and the chance of not making it to the hospital in time is slim, but still, TRY REASONING WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN. I am incapable of rational thought at the moment, so I figured I might as well get prepared and learn how to deliver my own baby. Just in case.

So, for all of you in my same boat, please take note to the steps below. Thanks to babycenter.com for this very informative information.

1. Call 911. Tell the dispatcher that your baby is coming and that you need an emergency medical squad immediately.

2. If your partner isn't there with you, call a neighbor or nearby friend.

3. Call your doctor or midwife. She'll stay on the phone to guide you until help arrives.

4. Unlock your door so the medical crew and your partner, neighbor, or friend can come in (you may not be in a position to get to the door later).

5. Grab towels, sheets, or blankets. Put one underneath you and keep the rest nearby so you can dry your baby immediately after birth. (If help doesn't arrive in time and you forget this step, you can use your clothes instead.)

6. If you feel an overwhelming urge to push, try to put it off by panting, using breathing techniques, or lying on your side. Be sure to lie down or sit propped up. If you deliver standing up, your baby could fall and suffer a serious injury. And don't forget to take off your pants and underwear.

Kamie's Ramblings

As California once again becomes the center of the media’s attention regarding their new gay rights legislation I had two thoughts.
1- I am SO glad I don’t live in Riverside anymore....I am remembering the miserably hot summers and am glad those are behind me (no offense Jesica)
2- Way to go California!

I support this new law and am supportive of gay people being allowed the right to marry.

Shocking, I know, coming from a fairly conservative person who hates baby killing and loves guns, but pick your jaw up off the floor and I shall explain why I feel this way.

Let me start by saying that I don’t understand homosexuality. I don’t think any of us do. I suspect that it is partially genetic and partially due to life experiences. I have read numerous psychology studies which come to different conclusions which lead me to believe that we just don’t get it. Maybe we never will.

As a Mormon I am taught this behavior is abhorrent before God. This makes sense to me. If you follow the logic of the eternal family and the purpose of that family, gay people really don’t fit in. Procreation will never be their strong point :) Unlike other past Church policy that has changed and been updated as time went on, I don’t believe this policy will ever change. And, quite honestly, I support the Church and their position too.

So how do I reconcile supporting California and the Church? Homosexuality may be a perversion, it's practicers may be immoral, but the government shouldn't have the power to deny a marital relationship between consenting adults.

(Note: This also interestingly brings up another topic for another day, but under this paradigm I also support polygamy so long as the parties involved are consenting adults).

President Hinckley spoke about homosexuality and the Church’s position in a talk entitled “Why We Do Some of the Things We Do” He states: Some portray legalization of so-called same-sex marriage as a civil right. This is not a matter of civil rights; it is a matter of morality. Others question our constitutional right as a church to raise our voice on an issue that is of critical importance to the future of the family. We believe that defending this sacred institution by working to preserve traditional marriage lies clearly within our religious and constitutional prerogatives. Indeed, we are compelled by our doctrine to speak out

I respectfully reject the assertion that this is not a matter of civil rights. It is a matter of civil rights for a citizen of this country. It is a matter of morality for the Church. And although morality may also be governed by the laws of society, the laws passed by the state must be scrutinized more thoroughly when they involve restricting a citizen of this country.

Working in family law, which unfortunately primarily consists of divorcing people, I view marriage is a social contract designed to represent the commitment of two people to sustain each other in gain or loss. It makes them responsible for each other's debts, and other legal obligations, and allows them to enjoy the rights of control of the estate they create together. The state has every right to pass laws that regulate the duties imposed on individuals entering a marriage contract, as well as the status of a married couple regarding taxes, inheritance, etc.

However, this state right should not affect the decisions of a church. A church may decide who it wishes to marry, in accordance with its doctrines. If the church decides not to marry same-sex couples, then it may choose not to do so, and it should NEVER be forced to do so.

Every citizen of the United States has the right to equal protection under the law, and to enjoy the same privileges under the law as every other citizen. Common law marriages, domestic partnerships, and other forms of "Separate but Equal" are not the same thing, and when we treat any citizen as less than another citizen for any reason that doesn't involve conviction for a crime, we make ourselves a less civilized nation.

(p.s. For a really interesting look at homosexuality in the Church watch the following three clips)

Clip 1

Clip 2

Clip 3

WHY??

So David Cook won Idol. Meh. Vocally he can't hold a flame to David Archuleta. And let's be honest folks David Cook aint no Chris Daugherty. But I was easily distracted from David Archuleta taking second place tonight because I was introduced to a new band. One Republic. Hello out there..why has nobody told me about this awesome group?? Huh?? Don't let it happen again.

Evolution

You think this won't happen? COME VISIT THE SOUTH.

The other day as I was waiting for my OBGYN apt. I overheard a nurse on the phone with who I assume was a patient. I only heard the nurse's end of the conversation--and it was pretty disturbing.

"Your test for chlamydia came back positive. You need to come in right away to get that treated, and NO SEX until your partner has been treated as well. Do you understand? NO SEX."

All you have to do is walk into your local Wal-Mart to stare the fate of America straight in its crooked eyes.